In therapy, I see many parents who are afraid to use corporal punishment and wind up the worse for it. One week I saw two children who were hitting their parents. In one case, their previous psychologist told them that the seven-year old needed more love. That same boy clobbered his father hard with a stick when greeting him. I could not imagine even having a thought of hitting my parents, nor, I am sure, could my kids. I can’t help but think that part of this destructive inversion of authority is due to psychologists, who claim that we degrade children, or teach them violence by a good old-fashioned swat on the butt.

In an ideal world punishment would not be necessary. “If people were angels we wouldn’t need laws.” However, in the real world, punishment is a necessary method of both teaching right and wrong and helping to control people. Punishment is necessary to teach children self-control and to keep them safe. Both of my sons got whacked on the tush if they dared go into the street without an adult holding their hands. King Solomon stated, “Spare the rod if you hate the child.” By that he meant that the child would be spoiled, and therefore hurt, if self-control were not taught. By and large, if we don’t punish our kids, someone else will.

In order for punishment to be most effective, it should be sure and swift. Punishing a child who, say, painted graffiti on the walls, by telling him/her that he or she cannot go on this weekend’s play-date is far less effective than a good swat. Indeed, Americans were surprisingly supportive of Singapore when the courts gave an American youngster five lashes for spraying graffiti. Obviously, lashes were too harsh, but I doubt that he ever sprayed graffiti again. Taking away privileges is too removed from the “crime” and often kids just get angrier, or resentful. Grounding a youngster is rougher on both the youngster and the parent than an old fashioned swat on the tush. In our unanalyzed quest to be more humane, we have replaced spanking with other forms of punishment, like withholding privileges, which is more punitive and less effective.

I am not advocating that children must be spanked. Some kids, especially girls, feel violated by any physical punishment. However, I see too many parents who become so concerned with getting the approval of their children that they dilute their parental obligation of teaching right from wrong. Spanking is one method for disciplining children and should be used appropriately. After I advised the battered parents of what I, and my father, would have done (spank the kids), the parent-spanking was very soon over. And they were all better off to get this behind them.