If he didn’t feel wealthy, what does it take to feel wealthy? How do we define wealth? To me, wealth is defined by not needing anything, and poverty, conversely, is having many unfilled needs. The difference being that in the former case, by “needing,” I mean “craving”—feeling that we can’t live without the objects we crave. Given this, there are two basic ways to become wealthy: One is to have everything, and the other is to reduce our needs and not crave anything. While it is clear that the strategy of having everything is doomed to failure, the thought of having many possessions strikes terror in my heart because of the time and effort needed to maintain them. That is, things tend to wind up owning us, rather than us owning them.

Once, my wife Marilyn and I were lost in Masawa, Eritrea, one of the poorest countries in the world. Because Masawa is close to the equator, people were doing all their cooking outside. With no electricity, the only light was from cooking in oilcans on the streets. We wandered around asking directions. Everyone we met was very friendly and no one acted impoverished. In fact they were smiling and laughing, and seemed to be enjoying one another. It did not disturb them that they didn’t have a Maserati or a HDTV. Not being exposed to these products, they did not miss them one whit. We too can live well without things, though we think things will make us happy and solve our problems. We buy appliances with extraordinary features that we never learn to use, but having everything, as a method of achieving wealth, is obviously bankrupt. I enjoy my telephone, my car, and love my TIVO, but I can live without them. Indeed, enjoying things is great, but we should not become dependent upon anything.

The truth is: Even with a surplus of possessions and money, we can still be impoverished. We would still need many things including status, approval, support, admiration, sexual partners, and, of course, health. Obviously, all are desirable, but many are unachievable. Consider that some people who are quadriplegic make peace with themselves and the world, while others go into a deep funk when they are having a bad hair day.

As opposed to trying to have everything, the other approach, which is Buddhist-like, is to work on limiting our needs. It may be nice to have money and power, but the craving causes suffering. It may be nice to have approval and health, but we must accept the reality that we cannot demand them. (That, in no way, justifies a passive approach. We can still strive to improve our lives while accepting that we won’t always get what we want.)

The only real wealth in life is in the value of our experiences. Money allows us to have experiences that we could not have otherwise. Doors are more easily opened with money, though the value is not the money, but our receptiveness to grow from the experiences it brings. Since each of us is always experiencing, we need values to give our experiences priority. Different people, of course, will have huge differences in their values. Since we can never have everything, the only sure way to become wealthy is by making our perspectives balance our lifestyles and abilities. That is the route that my cousin, and the rest of us, can take to become wealthy.